Literature - Essays
Universally Spoken English
I have rediscovered something so important that I will write a special section and refer to it and expand on it many times. It is discouraging to realize that I have just relearned something very important that I had forgotten and wish I had not. Similarly, I feel regret when suddenly I discover something I should have and wish I had known long ago. I have finally integrated a number of experiences and pieces of knowledge into an important discovery that I almost knew before and wish I had known before, I have always been intrigued by communication, finding completely different models time and again. My rediscovery is what I have decided to call Universally Spoken English (USE).
In WWT report number >> in Warsaw, I reported on "Universal Bad English"
and proposed the "Pultusk Factor", which is the ratio of information
conveyed to words used in communication. The Pultusk Conference provided a
rich environment for seeing that people with English as a first language
had more difficulty in communicating than almost all of the others. I
began to understand the significance of this and had a chance to test a
new theory a few months later in Lugano, Switzerland. (This is not a joke)
Americans, who travel overseas, believe that English is a universal language and that it is spoken in many countries. I had believed this and had felt so lucky because of it for many years. In fact, the situation is much more complicated than this. Of course, you can find a hotel, get a taxi, or buy a meal, but I am talking about real communication. To communicate effectively overseas, Americans must first learn that the Universally Spoken English (USE) is quite different from English as we know it. USE is based on English but don't expect to speak it without some work and learning. The key to learning it is to first accept that you don't know it. There are many different rules that must be learned. The language is truly different from what you normally speak. It can best be learned by listening and communicating with foreigners who know the language; that is, don't try to teach a foreigner how to speak USE; he knows it better than you, so learn from him. (I have dropped the "Bad" from my original designation since I realize that it is not bad at all. It just IS.)
The rules are fairly simple, and can be learned simply by listening. Speaking USE is a bit painful, and one must concentrate to prevent drifting back into English, which will be understood by almost no one. If you are observant you will quickly recognize that the German speaking with the Korean has no problem at all. Then when you speak, his look will tell you immediately that he has no idea what you just said. How can this be?
In USE words are spoken distinctly with a pause between each word. Say something trivial at first to let the listener know that USE is the language to expect. Most of the speakers will be translating in their heads to their own language from USE, so slow down. Grammar is irrelevant, use simple verb forms mostly present tense, short words, short sentences. You will be able to see some experts begin thinking in USE during a conversation, depending on when they last used their own language. English speaking people, like Indians, Scottish, Africans, and so on have dialects. The different dialects are not to be confused with USE; they are just other forms of English that can be as hard to understand as USE and will not be understood by USERS.
Vowels can be pronounced with any hardness or softness in any word and the word still has meaning. The listener must be prepared and able to recognize all such pronunciations. Emphasis can occur on any part of a word, so one must expand ones vocabulary of pronunciation to cover all of these.
USE is a very efficient language (especially if no time is wasted on translating it to English or attempting to 'correct' pronunciations) with a large ratio of information content to number of words used (unlike, for example, British English). Consequently some of the time lost in slowing down can be made up by efficiency. The real meat is still present. Something trivial cannot be flowered up with meaningless words. One can even test the real value of a statement by hearing it in USE. If it is USEless, it will stay USEless when expressed in USE.
Almost every German sounds to an American like a drunk when speaking USE. To communicate effectively, one must first assume that he is not drunk. (This is not always a good assumption). Recently, I discovered that Russians sound even drunker. (And I think quite often they are.) Italians sound like they are either complaining or whimpering. (Sometimes they are.) There is much more to language than simply words. Each culture has its own sounds that people learn from childhood, and they must attempt to make these sounds represent the words in other languages, which is often really difficult, since the sounds are different from culture to culture. Very few Chinese can make the sound we use for the letter l;. the closest thing they can come up with is something that sounds like r. Many such dilemmas exist with almost all cultures attempting to speak English. An expert user must learn to associate these sounds with the appropriate English word.
A Japanese lady told Pauline that she would not be
able to see the beautiful fall colors because of the crowds. Expecting to
see vast numbers of tourists in her field of view all she could see was
the heavy cloud cover that blocked the view.
Consider how multiple language situations work. In hearing a first
sentence, the listener must determine which language is being used before
he can figure out what was said. With USE, the listener will almost always
say "What?" to the first sentence, no matter how simple, because he is
still trying to know which language to use. His speech will be influenced
heavily depending on whether he is thinking in the new language or
interpreting into his own language. My foreign speaking friends point out
that it takes a while to make the switch, so at first one translates and
eventually starts thinking USE. Only the expert users will make it to the
thinking stage.
Consider the goddess of victory, Nike. It USE it can be pronounced as
Nickey, Nik , Neek, or Neekey using soft or hard "i" and silent or not
silent "e". To understand, one must know all of these pronunciations. One
should not say "Oh, you mean 'Nikie' ? when finally realizing what is
meant. That is an irrelevant question. It will offer nothing of use to the
conversation. If you get that he meant Nike, then the communication has
been successful even if he said "Nickie". Don't attempt to teach the
speaker USE; learn universal USE from HIM.
USE has much less vocabulary than English, but many more words that have the same meaning (such as Nicky, Nike, Neek, etc). Fewer verb forms, articles, conjunctions, and so on are available in USE and one should employ the ones that will be understood. In all languages the verb cases like subjunctive are difficult and are not available (or necessary) in USE. It is best to stick to present tense.
A major challenge in becoming an expert in USE is the necessity to overcome the really dumb spellings in English that sometimes give no clue as how the word should be pronounced. The careful listener must translate such words into something understandable and this can be difficult. This is true even among English speaking countries. Recently I experienced a funny example in a conversation with an Australian friend who was enquiring as to the whereabouts in England of the University of Luga Baruga. After some struggle, he pointed to the name in a guide book. The city to which he was referring was Loughborough!